The People Kiwictionary

Some are obvious, some are not, but all are quite commonly used. 

Antipode–a person from Australia, New Zealand, or South Africa
Aussie–a person from Australia
Kiwi–a person from New Zealand
Pom (Pommy)–a person from the UK, i.e. people who are English, Scottish, Welsh, or North Irish
Tall Poppy–someone who stands out from the crowd, i.e. a leader, someone who works hard, someone who tries to be their best
Tall Poppy Syndrome–a manner of 'leveling the playing field' by putting down those who work harder , often based in the resentment of the successful person for making others who do not try hard look bad
Whinging Pom–a negative Australasia term for a person of UK origin who often complains about any situtation;   
most often used to describe Poms who dislike living in these countries as in “Why don't go back, you whinging pom?”
Yank–term for Americans 

Weekend Wear or Work Attire?

I work in a field where fashion is not hugely important to many of the people and I recognize that, but it is appalling to me  what some of these people show up to work in. I am not advocating wearing suits to work and I wear jeans fairly regularly, but the following are frightening things I have witnessed at my job that pass as work attire. 

Please note that these are items that were worn for an entire day, which is why they are included on the list.

With my own eye, I spy
–A top that reveals a midriff
–Sweatpants
–Shorts (including some very short ones sported by a man)
–Workout clothes (i.e. spandex)
–A tankini top (i.e. a swimsuit worn as a top)
–A mesh top (think Madonna circa 1985)

A Sea Kayaking Adventure

The month of March is the women’s active festival, where women can sign up to try sports in which they are interested in a beginner friendly environment. My co-workers and I signed up for a sea kayaking adventure on Akaroa Harbour.

After pissing down with rain for 2 days, the skies were clear and sunny when we departed to Wainui near to Akaroa. We suited up and went to the boat ramp for a very brief safety talk and demonstration, then we picked kayaks and pushed out to sea. My kayak team was the ‘Tortoise’ of Tortoise and Hare fame with the slogan of “slow and steady wins the race”. In our defense, we were enjoying taking in the scenery (oh ok, I am a wimp and my arms got sore too). Fairly soon after departing it became clear a southerly (i.e. a storm from the Antarctic) was approaching with ominous clouds pushing their way into the harbour. Basically this meant we had to hightail it across the harbour to Akaroa as the wind and the waves became stronger. For Team Tortoise this was difficult, but we persevered and made it all the way although at our own pace.

Due to this southerly instead of paddling back across to Wainui, the group paddled around Akaroa harbour and surfed the waves in our kayaks, which was pretty fun except that you had to paddle with all your might into the wind to actually be able to ‘surf the waves’. The forecast was for 40 knot winds. Egad!

Over the course of the day, Team Tortoise found a paddling groove and was not straggling like in the beginning. Plus comparatively, at least we did not end up (1) falling in the water or (2) getting stuck on a boat ramp and almost capsizing like other teams did.

Overall, the trip was very fun and I wasn’t disappointed to not have to paddle back across the harbour. Annoying things were (1) not getting to see any hector’s dolphins, (2) obtaining a nice blister on my thumb and (3) feeling the sore muscles.

The kayaking was followed by a barbie but due to rain, wind and cold was held inside with port, sherry, and a fire to keep us all warm. This day demonstrates the joys of the unpredictable weather of the South Island of NZ.

Next kayaking adventure is in the works in Abel Tasman National Park on the north of the South Island. This trip is tentatively planned with Oz friends.

Interesting Pronounciations

Some of these are interesting, but some are down right confusing.

Cervical—-”Sir-vye-cull”
Jambalaya—”Jom-ball-uh”
Antigua—”Ann-tig-you-uh”
Subaru—”Sue-baa-roo”
Yes—”Yis”
Bear—”Beer”
Pen—”Pin”
For the microbiologists: Campylobacter-”Cam-pile-oh-back-ter”

You can actually listen to Bear and beer on this site. 

http://faculty.washington.edu/dillon/PhonResources/kiwisounds/NewZealandPronunciation.html

Also, listen to the “here hair ear air” one. “Ear” and “air” sound exactly the same.

Bad Words and Bar Words Kiwictionary

Another installment of the Kiwictionary
These words are useful for finding your way around the bar, for telling someone off, or for telling stories about your time spent in a bar after one too many.

Bloody–friggin’, as in “He’s a bloody jafa.”
Bogan–a lame boy racer; a redneck; white trash
Boy racer–teenage guy with a souped up car who drives fast through town, known for the loudness of the car when accelerating and for  
                    playing his music loud
Bubbles–sparkling wine; champagne
Bugger–damn
Bugger off–piss off, go away
Buggered–broken or not quite right; exhausted
Bum–butt
Bum bag–a fanny pack (see fanny)
BYO–bring your own, in reference to alcohol
Dodgy–sketchy
Fanny–*do not use*; a not nice word for a women’s anatomy, (in the USA) a c*#t
Hoon–a delinquent
Jafa–Just Another F*cking Aucklander, semi-derogatory term
Jug–litre of beer
Knackered–exhausted, worn out
Pissed–drunk
Pub–place where you go to drink; the bar
Shandy–a drink made with lemonade and beer
Stubby–small bottle of beer
Stubbies–short shorts worn by boys
Stuffed–see knackered
Take the piss or take the mickey out of–to ridicule, to mess with
Wanker–bastard

Here's to broadening your Kiwi vocabulary, mate!

My Life is Just Like LOTR

My boss, Tall and Grey, came over today and charged me with an all important task. We found this ring-binded document, “My Precious Environment: Things the NZ government does not want you to know” and I must carry it to be destroyed. I think he said it could be destroyed in the doom, oh wait he said room-the room with the shredding machine. This task is not as easy as you might think because along the way I face many adversaries. Adversaries include (1) incompetent associates, (2) aging technology, and (3) trolls, the people who love it here and tell me I am stupid for not loving it, they like to hurl insults at me and make fun of the USA. Luckily, I get to traverse through beautiful scenery such as past the chemistry laboratory, a bunch of “She’ll be Right” signs, and the waterfall, aka the leak on the second floor. I feel so much like Frodo it is uncanny. Truly my life could be another instalment of the Lord of the Rings, maybe Lady of the Ringed Document or The Hireling-Life in the NZ Working Environment.

Report on the Minor Details

HOME

• I live with a woman who has children aged 23 and 19.
• I live there because then I don’t have to buy anything, such as a bed or kitchen items.
• I use 2 of my suitcases as dresser drawers because I have no where to store them and it is handy in case I need to make a quick getaway.

WORK

• My desk is in a hallway, i.e. not private and I can easedrop on almost any conversation.
• On any given day I might use 3 separate computers because my computer does not have all the software on it I need.
• We are in a budget crunch yet in our breakroom we have 3 types of tea, 3 types of milk, coffee, instant coffee, and milo (weird hot chocolate) available for employee consumption. This might explain why in the bathroom both paper towel dispensers were empty, not even the roll was left behind.

SOCIAL

• I have a couple of friends with similar interests although one is moving away quite soon.
• I have visitors and trips planned in the future to keep me busy.

OTHER

• I have not purchased a car, so I ride the bus and catch rides. It’s different, but not so bad.

Addendum to Misconception Interception, Part 1-Environment

An interesting article was just published here discussing the clean, green image of NZ and the lengths people will go to to keep that image “100% Pure”. Apparently, a recently published environmental document had some of its ‘not-so-green findings’ omitted so as to not have NZ come across as unclean.

The ditched chapter 13, leaked to the Greens, says increasingly intense farm practices have left a legacy of pollutants and contamination.

And it says the scale of the problem is so big that voluntary accords with the dairy industry and other measures to clean up farming will make little immediate difference.

“The pulling of the chapter suggests someone in the government didn’t want the full story out there,” Greens co-leader Russel Norman said.

“It was a vital element to the report. Not only does it sum up the rest of the report, it clearly points to the causes or the drivers of the environmental decline, such as land use intensification, increased car use and increased consumption.

“It warns us that we’ve built our exports on a clean green brand and that is in jeopardy because of our environmental record.”

My propaganda theory is not as much hogwash as I initially thought. Scary, isn’t it? The green branding campaign must carry on.

If you would like to read the entire artcle, I have provided the link for you.
http://stuff.co.nz/4395780a11.html

Where in the World?

Currently, I am in New Zealand, but in the recent past I was in Australia.

In the near future, I will be in Southeast Asia. Yes folks, in less 2 months, I am off with a friend to travel through Thailand with a swing over into Cambodia. I will use up all my vacation time, but it will be worth it. After this is when unpaid holiday is going to come in handy. I still have some items on my NZ itinerary to see yet.

Misconception Interception, Part 1: Environment

The picture painted to me about NZ was green or 100% Pure. I assumed NZ would not be as progressive as Europe, but at least on par with the USA, which we can debate all day about whether or not is environmentally responsible. Sadly, from my viewpoint with respect to NZ’s environmentalism, the Green title is not quite accurate.

This country is clean with respect to the waterways and land, but any country would be if it had only been populated within the past 150 years and was sparsely populated at that. To be blunt, of course NZ is “100% pure”; it hasn’t had time to be ruined by people. But if they don’t take some actions and look at the errors of other countries, they are going to be well on their way to all the issues the rest of the world is facing.

I present the following examples to illustrate my concern.

Recycling-
On one hand there is an option to recycle at home with bins provided and pick up available, but on the other hand you’ll be hard-pressed to find a recycling bin on the street to recycle that bottle of juice you just bought. When traveling I usually store the bottles in my car until I get to a hostel, which has excellent recycling, or until I arrive back home. Also, people don’t seem super concerned about recycling whereas in Europe it is a major issue.

Transport-
Public transport here on the whole is pretty poor. Trains were privatized and therefore many of the routes are now gone and most cities have pretty inadequate bus systems in place (although ChCh is an exception), which leads to a nation of car drivers. Many families are 2 car families and NZ is notorious for driving their cars into the ground, which means terrible exhaust systems belching out air pollution. In fact, NZ has the second highest prevalence of asthma in a developed nation, behind the UK, and a theory is the number of diesel cars on the road is a factor in this problem.

In fact, 92% of trips are by car, over 1/3 of all car rides cover less than 2 kilometers, and 2/3 are shorter than 5 kilometers. The average age of a car is 12 years, which implies poor fuel efficiency (kilometers per liter) (Ministry for the Environment, 2006).

Uninsulated Homes-
Many of the homes here lack a decent standard of insulation, which leads to frigid homes in winter because of a loss of heat. Talk about a waste of natural resources when all the heat you pump into your house proceeds to fly right outside.

While these are my observations Reuters also had similar thoughts. Check out the following article entitled “New Zealand’s Environment more Khaki than Green” here. www.reuters.com/article/environmentNews/idUSSP29256220080131?feedType=RSS&feedName=environmentNews&pageNumber=1&virtualBrandChannel=0

100% Pure or 100% Propaganda.